Growing a Culture of Good Relationships ~ 1 ~ Lesson One: Establishing Relationship Behaviors

“Relationships last long not because they’re destined to last long. Relationships last long because two brave people made a choice. To keep it, fight for it and to work for it.” – Unknown

In a survey taken by a research group, it was determined that having good relationships is the most important thing in life. Some surveyed commented that through good relationships we find happiness, productivity, and creativity. You would probably agree with these findings as I do. You will probably also agree with the reality that good relationships don’t happen by accident. Just as one would grow a beautiful productive flower garden good relationships are carefully sown and nurtured on purpose.

Let’s look to the greatest relationship source of all, The Bible. Genesis 2:8-15 says, "(8) And the LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed. (9) And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. (10) And a river went out of Eden to water the garden; and from thence it was parted, and became into four heads. (11) The name of the first is Pison: that is it which compasseth the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold; (12) And the gold of that land is good: there is bdellium and the onyx stone. (13) And the name of the second river is Gihon: the same is it that compasseth the whole land of Ethiopia. (14) And the name of the third river is Hiddekel: that is it which goeth toward the east of Assyria. And the fourth river is Euphrates. (15) And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it."

In this passage we find an order of events:

1) God planted the Garden

2) God placed the man He had created into the Garden. The Garden had everything man needed for relationships and the garden had boundaries.

3) God gave the man an assignment in the Garden. He was to “Dress it and keep it”. The word “Dress” is to put in good order, to till or cultivate. The word “Keep” is to tend, to have the care of.

God gives us relationships and we have a responsibility to cultivate them, to culture them. The Latin word for culture is cultivate. To Cultivate is the application of labor or other means to improve good qualities in. This makes cultivating a behavior. To cultivate has the idea that we want to produce something. The product we want to produce is good relationships in our homes, in our place of worship and in our workplace.

Good Relationship Truth Number One: We grow a culture of good relationships through good behaviors!

Some Observations:

1) Don’t blame the soil when the culture is bad. Here is something I wish I would have learned long ago. I’ve seen children and adults with “behavioral problems”, they don’t connect or interact well with others. Society and even the church will often treat them poorly, and not value them. May I submit it’s not the soil! It’s the cultivating that’s been done. It is the bad behaviors that have been sown into the soil. You can sow poison ivy in good soil or you can sow beautiful roses and they will both grow. The soil in a child is good, the difference is the behaviors that are sown in them. I’ve worked with a lot of people who struggle today with poisonous fruit because someone sowed poison in good soil.

Dr. George Washington Carver

2) As we go through these behaviors of good relationships evaluate what you are sowing by the fruit being yielded. Treat the soil by changing the behaviors sown. Years ago I read a biography on the life of the remarkable George Washington Carver. Dr. Carver advised farmers in the south to rotate their crops because cotton depleted important nutrients like protein from the soil, therefore he advised them to rotate to plants containing protein to help replenish the soil such as peanuts. Dr. Carver was able to convince the farmers to grow peanuts and he also found ways farming families could incorporate peanuts into their diets. He devised recipes for soup, cookies, and candy. Dr. Carver understood a very important principle of sowing and reaping that also applies to relationships; that sometimes the soil has to be treated. The soil has to be treated with nutrients that will promote growth and repair damage. I think the soil represents the soul and spirit of the individual.

We sometimes focus on treating the illness and not treating the patient. Treat the soil by changing the behaviors being sown, that is the mission of this series, to study behaviors that will help us grow a culture of good relationships. The former CEO of General Electric told leaders to, “…think of yourself as a gardener, with a watering can in one hand and a can of fertilizer in the other. Occasionally you have to pull some weeds, but most of the time you just nurture and tend. Then watch everything blossom.” (Page 67 Winning by Jack and Susie Welch) I think Mr. Welch gives good advice, and I think his advice applies to our marriages, parenting and in every other relationship we have. Nurture the soil, the soul and spirit of the person.

So truth number one is: We grow a culture of good relationships through good behaviors.