What a gloomy thing, not to know
the address of one’s soul.
– Victor Hugo
Examine
yourselves, whether ye be in the faith;
prove your own selves...
prove your own selves...
2nd Corinthians 13:5
Have you ever noticed that most people
that can’t seem to get along with others usually don’t like themselves either?
Perhaps our most overlooked relationship is the one we have with ourselves. It
is interesting that when Jesus said that the two most important commandments in
the law were to Love God and to love our neighbor he gave the example of loving
our neighbor as our-self, I always believed we don’t give enough consideration
to the part of Jesus commandment, “as your-self”. In studying the Scriptures
about relationships I have come to the conclusion that our two most important
relationships in life is first with God and secondly, our relationship with
our-self, and if those two relationship have issues, then all of our other
relationships will have issues.
The biggest giant to confront in life is
our-self! King David is an example of this. We know from Scripture that as a
shepherd boy David confronted a lion and a bear and killed them both, we also
know he is famous for confronting the giant Goliath and slaying him with a
slingshot and the power of God. Then after slaying the giant David decapitated
him with Goliaths own sword. All of these were amazing victories that required
a great amount of courage, but perhaps the biggest giant David ever confronted
was when he looked into his own heart that he might know himself. In Psalm
139:23 David prayed, Search me, O God,
and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: In order to improve our-self and our
relationship with our-self we must know about ourselves. To do this may I
suggest some questions to ask ones-self? I base these on questions God asked
various people in the Bible, the questions required that they know them-selves.
Where are you?
After Adam and Eve realized that they had
disobeyed God they went into hiding and covered themselves with aprons made
from fig leaves. God came to them and asked “Where are you?” He did not ask
this because He did not know, God knew where they were, but God was making Adam
be accountable for him-self. So where are you in your personal accountability?
Where are you in your spiritual and emotional life? Where are you in your
relationship with God and with yourself? We must ask ourselves these questions
and then we must answer them honestly if we are to know about our relationship
with our-self.
Who told you that?
Let’s look at this question in two parts.
Adams answer to God’s question, “Where are you?” was “we were naked so we hid
ourselves.” Then God asked “Who told you that you were naked?” Well, who told
Adam and Eve that they were naked? The answer is their conscience! We have
within our-selves a “self-awareness”, our inner man, we call it a conscience.
So in your relationship with yourself ask yourself. What does your conscience
tell you?
The second part is to ask your-self the
question in this manner, “Who told me the things I believe about myself and
about my life?” In my thirties I came to the realization that I believed things
about myself that were not true. I had come to believe that I had no value,
that I would never be anything of significance or accomplish anything of
significance. I won’t go into details,
but I had to search my own heart and I searched the Scriptures and prayed about
this, I also took time to write some letters to people who had told me some of
the negative things I believed about myself and told them I no longer believed
the negative things. Some of the people I wrote a letter to had already died,
but I wrote the letters anyway, because writing the letters helped me express
my feelings, empowered me and helped me with my self-value. So ask yourself,
“Who told me the things I believe about myself? Are they true? If they are true
what do I need to do to make positive changes to myself? What do I believe about myself that is not
true? What do I need to do to overcome believing the things that are not true?
What are you angry about?
When Cain’s offering was rejected by God,
God asked Cain “Why art thou wroth?” The word “wroth” means very angry,
provoked, and embittered. I have learned
that anger is a major cause of struggles in our relationships. If we harbor
anger toward people from our past that anger affects our current relationships.
If we harbor anger toward ourselves over regrets, failures and mistakes, that
anger will have a negative effect on our relationship with ourselves and with
others. I could give you a list of things people harbor anger in their heart
over, but that is not necessary because the Bible says “The heart knoweth his
own bitterness.” (Proverbs 14:10) If you are struggling with anger issues and
those issues are affecting your relationship with yourself and interfering with
your relationships with your loved ones, look into your heart, find the root of
the anger and take it out.
Where are you going?
God is not as concerned about where we
came from as is He where we are going and all though where we came from does
matter, we should be more focused on the present and the future than we are the
past.
In Genesis chapter sixteen God asked Hagar
“Where will you go?” I’m entering into my sixties and looking back I’m in awe
of where God has allowed me to go, the people He has placed in my life and the
things He has allowed me to be involved in. And yet at sixty I must ask myself
the question, “Where will I go from here?”
Ask your-self, “Where am I going? What are
my goals, what are my desires? What path am I on and where will it lead me?” An
important part of your relationship with your self does include where you came
from, but more importantly, where you are right now and where you are going!
What’s in your hands?
One of my favorite leaders in the Bible is
Moses. Not only was he a great leader, he was first a great servant of God and
he had some interesting and important relationships that is worthy of study. In
Genesis chapter three God appears to Moses in the burning bush and tells him to
go and confront Pharaoh and lead the Israelites out bondage from the land of
Egypt. Moses response to this was all the reasons why he was not qualified for
the task. Moses gave reasons such as, “I’m not anyone that Pharaoh or the
Israelites would pay attention to. They won’t listen to me or believe me and
I’m not a good speaker, I have a speech impediment.” To these objections God
responded with a question that required Moses to know him-self. God responded
to Moses objections with, “What is that in thine hand?” The point is while
Moses was focused on his inabilities and weaknesses, God was focused on Moses
abilities and strengths.
In your relationship with yourself it is
important that you know your abilities and your strengths. Know what is in your
hands and know how to use what you have! And when it comes to your relationship
with others ask yourself: What can I offer to a relationship? What are my
relationship strengths?
Who is on your team?
Another objection Moses gave to God was
simply to, “please don’t send me, please send someone else”. To this God responded,
“Is Aaron the Levite your brother? I’m sending you Moses, but I will send Aaron
with you, he will be your spokesmen and his heart is for you.” (See Exodus
3:14-16)
Aaron being a Levite meant that he had a
zeal and commitment to God. The application for us is that Moses had someone on
his team, someone who was committed to God and someone that also had a heart
for Moses. He had not even considered enlisting Aarons help with what he needed
to do. As you think about your relationship with yourself, your goals, and
where you want to go in life ask yourself the question: Who is on my team? Who
can I form a partnership with? Who do I have in my life that is like minded?
Who loves God and loves me that will lift me up and not pull me down?
Are you carrying unnecessary
baggage?
The Apostle Paul instructed “…let us lay aside every weight, and the sin
which doth so easily beset (enclose) us, and let us run with patience the race
that is set before us,” (Hebrews 12:1)
Notice that Paul separates weight from sin,
because a weight we are carrying may not be a sin, but it can hinder our
progress. We could call the weight, baggage and the baggage could be bad
experiences from past relationships, wounds from past relationships, and bad
relationship practices learned from others. You may be thinking of something
right now that has happened in your life that is baggage to you today. Baggage
in your life will hinder your relationship with yourself and with others, and
the heavier the baggage the more it will hinder you. So you must ask your-self,
“Is anything hindering my progress? If so what is it? What unnecessary baggage
am I carrying?” When you learn what the baggage is, lay it aside and press on!
The Answers to the Questions
I
heard a minister suggest that we ask ourselves these last three questions to
help us determine our purpose and desire for life. What do you think about?
What do you sing about? What do you cry about? These are excellent questions
that will help you in your relationship with yourself! It is important to keep
in mind that it is not the questions that will help you to know yourself, but
it will be the answers to those questions that will help you know what’s in
your heart and your thoughts, because it is when we know the answers to our
questions and when we know what’s in our heart that we truly know ourselves.
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